Some another kind of box

we say we can't put God in a box, that he has no limits.

And yet, we often put him in a box saying 'look at her, she is so messed up, so far away - there is no way she will ever turn back to God' - is that not a box? or a limit?

How about those who say that one persons view or belief is wrong - that 'there is no way that God works like that' or 'that is so not God.'

Well, let me tell you something - God is bigger than all of that. He'll bust right through your box and knock you off your feet.

We often put God in a box when it comes to ourselves - in ways we do not notice.

Have you ever thought ' there is no way i will be forgiven for this' or 'i am never going to get out of this mess...' and 'why does this happen to me? there is nothing good that will come from this'

So wrong.

Wether you like it or not - he already forgave you, he'll pull you through in someway, and he will indeed use it for good. So stop screwing with your mind and your heart and accept it.

What about when we judge others saying " he's such a jerk, look at how he treats her - there is no way he can recover from this lowness - he will always be this way. "

Woah now, hang on a minute - he will always be that way? Just because we may not think 'he' will ever want to change doesn't mean 'he' cant and it doesn't mean that God wont pull 'him' from the depths of destruction. God has the power to pull those who are in the depths of destruction and despair out and right into his arms.

So instead of putting God in a box - let us have hope that we will survive, let us have faith that he will pull us out of the dark and into his arms, and let us know without a doubt that he roams free in us and even in the midst of those we deem unworthy - let us not try to trap him, but let us open our eyes to see him working in ways we have been too afraid or too stubborn to see.

He has set us free - don't you think its time we realize that he, the one who freed us, is indeed free himself?

God, 

are you really the answer to all of this?

I don't know how it works...

I feel like all i have been doing is trying to make it work without you.

Is all of this bad? or just weird without you?

somehow

Its hard to say what's on my mind today.

Regret from the past,

Hope for the future. 

I feel ashamed of things I have done,

but amazed at what has become. 

I am someone different today, 

than who I was before. 

Belief based on Love,

and life based on grace.

I feel as though so much around me is a mess, 

so much seems helpless.

But, somehow it all seems so glorious. 

How can He love me in this midst of this?

So many questions,

never any answers.

Yet somehow, 

there is life,

somehow there is hope,

I don't know how,

but there is love. 

Could that be an answer?

Honestly

To be completely honest, i am lost, i am desperate, i am confused and i am weak.

I have so many questions about things that a year ago i simply accepted. over the past few months, I have begun questions everything.  I believe questioning is a good thing, and i believe it is necessary - but it is also very frightening. 

Questioning for me involves looking at everything i have ever believed and analyzing it, and challenging it with scripture or talking the God about it. 

A lot of the questions are of basic things that i never analyzed why i believed what i believe - questions that i wont put on here, because most of you would be appalled to see what i am questioning - 

But i would much rather question than accept without reason or thought.

This process hasn't been easy at all, and i am still in the midst of it. It has been a hard road thus far, and i believe the Lord has just begun his work in me. 

I look forward with hope of a better tomorrow, with hope that someday i will know that i have been found, that I will find myself in Him, and that his strength will surround me and engulf me. 

There is a lot of change going on in my life right now, and a lot more to come in the next year. It is scary, but it is good.

Sometimes i wonder if i am moving too fast, growing up too fast, so fast that i am missing life. 

But then i look back and see that growing up, this is all that i wanted - and here i am.

So, should i take hold of this and thrive? or should i slow down? 

So many questions, so many insecurities. 

I was looking over some old things today and i came across a quote from one of my favorite books:

"Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as he loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don't Weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. Thats the way back into Eden. Thats the way back into Life." - (Redeeming love by Francine Rivers)

This just reminded me that all my life, the one thing that i always knew, was that the Lord loves me. But the one thing i had to choose each day to do was to love him, and to love others. 

There is nothing that brings me greater joy than loving others. - so why is it so hard to do?

I don't know. I don't know why it has been so hard for me lately.

I have always been a lover - but recently I have just been a sitter. 

May the Lord restore his love in me so that I may respond to him and to others in Love. - for to me that is the essence of worship. And may i be strong and fight with love. 

I came across another quote from a favorite book of mine and it says this :

" You are beautiful to me... Since i first saw you I have loved you - if only you will allow me to love you." - (White by Ted Dekker)

In the story this is a man saying this to a women - a follower of (Christ) speaking to a woman that he loves, but the woman is lost - unwilling to accept his love for her. She later is broken and freed, and she accepts his love for her.

For me, this is how God and i relate alot - He loves me, and always has - i am beautiful to him... And yet I am blind to his love. I reject it in various ways, i dont allow him to love me. 

May his love for me prevail. May I see and accept his Love, and may i love him in return - whatever that my look like.

I need prayer. For me, and for 2 dear to me.

I need to trust: That the Lord is in control and that his plans are far better than mine. 

And that Johnny loves me - always.

Also, i need to let go. I need to stop trying to be i control of everything and realize that it is not my place

God has been faithful to me in the past - and i have faith that he will remain faithful - i am simple running low on patience.

---

God, I want to know you. 

Papa, I long to love you as you love me.

Lord, I want to trust you with my life.

Abba, I want to give everything up to you.

Jesus, I want to believe undeniably in you and all that you do.

Yahweh, I am desperate for you. 

May I learn not to fight your hands as you hold me. 

vm 

Is He your tool or is He your God?

How many of us believe in God and say we love him simply for security? - " If i say i believe in God and say that i love him - then, if he exists, i'll be safe." That we will "make it into heaven". 

 

How many of us actually believe in him and would still believe in him if  heaven or hell does not exist?

Many may not admit it, but i bet you that over 60% of the 'christians' in this world would not believe in God if there was nothing to be protected from. 

The less than 40% that still believe in God would begin their relationship from scratch - because what they had before was not relationship. Using someone as a safety blanket as we often do christ is not relationship at all.

So, how does relationship begin? what does it look like?

I haven't a clue.

But i know its not like that.

Maybe it looks like talking/praying throughout the day. Maybe it looks like singing. Maybe it looks like dancing. Maybe it looks like interacting with those around us. Maybe it looks like love. Maybe it looks like community. Maybe it looks like art. Maybe it looks like writing. maybe it looks like all of this.

Maybe it something else.

But whatever it is - May we not use God as a blanket of security or a means of transportation - but may He be to us a father, a friend, a lover, and God. May we experience relationship with him and as a result of that may we experience relationship with others - community. and as a result of getting to know him and those he created - may we worship him.